


Oblivion

by sweetlolixo



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Amnesia, Band life, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 10:12:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14542458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetlolixo/pseuds/sweetlolixo
Summary: After a fight with Uruha, Aoi lands himself in an accident, wakes up, loses his memory, and thinks Uruha to be his boyfriend. Uruha has no problem with that – thing is, everything's a lie.





	Oblivion

**Author's Note:**

> Fic originally posted onto LiveJournal [here](https://sweetlolixo.livejournal.com/204915.html) on May 30, 2014.

Uruha knew there was a breakdown going to happen. He just didn’t expect it to come so soon.  
  
“You know I like you,” Aoi’s voice is strangled, crying, tears washing out half-streaked on his face. He’s storming into the band room, catching Uruha off-guard, and momentarily pausing the blond in the midst of his guitar practice session. “I’ve liked you, all these while. You  _can’t_  not know it.”  
  
Uruha’s silent, as if unsure of how to react, and as he places aside his guitar onto the empty sofa seat next to him, he’s barely looking up, almost as if he’s disinterested already in the topic alone. Aoi’s been unnecessarily moody these days, and  _hell_  if he wasn’t already moody enough usually – but the past few days have been toxic, and Aoi’s been sulking and throwing the rest of the band dirty looks as if  _everyone_  owes him something. Uruha’s frankly sick of Aoi and his five year old temper and his  _I love you, but you don't even care about me!_  attitude. It’s been like this, for so long, and at first Uruha had thought Aoi would have gotten the hint, but Aoi never did. It’s almost pathetic, how desperately the raven haired guitarist clings onto the idea of Uruha ever reciprocating his feelings.  
  
Uruha hesitates in replying, but Aoi’s standing before him, eyes red and bloodshot and crying like all hell just froze over, and Uruha feels obliged to at least say  _something_.  
  
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Aoi,” Uruha’s saying quietly, glassy eyes flickering up to meet with the raven’s. Aoi’s gazing to him with that hurt stare, trying to scrutinize Uruha’s one, but only managing to find nothing in Uruha’s own blank orbs.  
  
“Y- _You’re_ ,” Aoi’s choking out, distressed. “Despicable.  _So_  despicable. You think it’s okay to ignore me, to treat me like I’m invisible, just because I-  _I’m_  different. Just because you don’t like me.”  
  
And  _this_  was how Aoi managed to get on Uruha’s nerves, successfully each time.  
  
“What did I do to you?” Uruha’s trying to control his anger, but the way he raises his tone slightly and sharply glares to the raven gives it all away. Aoi slightly shrinks, but his eyes only grow more defiant, and his hands curl into fists and tremble at the sides of his body. “Aoi, you’ve been acting like this since… I don’t know, forever? And it’s  _sickening_.”  
  
Aoi looks shocked by the accusation. “I- _I’m_  sickening?! I’m  _sickening_?! After all I’ve done to try and…” He’s turning his face to the side, erupting with another loud sob, and his hands automatically fly to his mouth, trying to suppress his noises. His voice, when it comes out, is barely above a hushed whisper. “All I’ve ever done is to love you, and you think I’m…  _sickening_?” Uruha would have felt sorry for him had he not been dealing with the same drama since day one.  
  
“Not when you’re treating the band like shit and acting like the whole world owes you something just because I’m not actively professing my love for you, too,” Uruha snaps, though he’s not as aggressive as before. The look of Aoi trying to control his sobs sends a twinge to his heart a little. As annoying as Aoi was usually, Aoi was still his friend, and a fellow band member. Uruha still cared for him to a certain extent. He’s sighing deeply to himself, trying to understand the crying raven standing before him.  
  
“Is this because I just kissed Ruki on stage,  _again_? When are you not ever going to be over that?”  
  
Aoi’s eyes fly to his immediately at his words. “You think I’m just jealous over Ruki? Y- _You_  think I’m some… possessive jealous freak?”  
  
Uruha’s almost bewildered. “You’re not?” But his thoughts don’t translate well into words, and when they come out, Aoi’s stifling back another sob.  _Fuck_.  
  
“I’m quitting,” Aoi yells, and then he’s running out the room, leaving Uruha in his seat, staring rather confusedly to his back.  
  
~  
  
Uruha didn’t exactly understand what Aoi meant by ‘quitting’, but when Aoi fails to show up for band practice the next day – Aoi was always early – Uruha thinks he has a faint idea.  
  
“He’s  _quitting_?!” Kai’s immediately sent into an outrage when the news is revealed. Ruki is shell-shocked, standing to the side, while Reita’s already scrolling through his phone anxiously for Aoi’s contact. Uruha just manages a minimal shrug, which earns him a scowl from Kai instantly.  
  
“ _What_  did you say to him, Uruha?”  
  
“Nothing,” Uruha seethes, seemingly pissed that the whole situation was going back to him again. The band  _always_  loved blaming him whenever it came to matters concerning Aoi, and he couldn’t fathom why. Was he entirely responsible just because their pretty little rhythm guitarist was fatally obsessed with him?  
  
“And why is it always my fault? Why isn’t it ever Aoi’s?”  
  
This time it’s Ruki who chips in, his eyes narrowing towards the blond guitarist’s. “Because you’ve been acting like a major asshole to him since, well, I don’t know, forever?”  
  
Uruha manages a tight smile, silently boiling with rage underneath. Oh,  _right_. He was  _always_  the asshole. “Wasn’t Aoi the one acting like a spoilt brat?”  
  
“By wanting just some attention from you, whom he respects the  _most_?” Kai lashes out, furious at Uruha’s indignity. Uruha turns his head away, completely fed up with the whole situation already. “You’re getting him back, you got it? You made this mess,  _you_  get him back.”  
  
“And _why_  – ”  
  
“Guys, guys,” Reita’s suddenly interrupting, giving them a look and shushing them, clutching his cellphone closer to his ear. “I think I’ve gotten a hold of him. …Hello, hello, Aoi? Hey, Aoi, I’m – hang on… Who is this?”  
  
Uruha looks strangely to the bassist; it wasn’t Aoi who was receiving the call? Everyone exchanged knowing looks with each other, knowing something already felt way off. It wasn’t like Aoi  _not_  to answer his calls. But then the voice on the phone starts rapidly speaking and all color drains slowly from Reita’s face and his hands start visibly shaking; and Uruha  _knows_  something’s definitely not right. Dread begins to pool at the pit of his stomach as Aoi’s words from the day before suddenly quickly resound loudly in his head.  
  
_You know I like you. I’ve liked you, all these while. You… can’t… not know it._  
  
“OK, OK, got it. He’s… Yep, OK,” Reita’s trying hard to remain his composure, and it’s frightening the rest of the band, because Reita  _never_  was easily perturbed. Kai’s visibly worried, and Ruki’s trying to calm him down, soothing him quietly with a hand on his back. Uruha  
  
“Got it, we’ll head over immediately. Yeah, definitely… Yes, thank you.”  
  
When the phone call finally ends with a loud ‘click’, Reita’s turning to them, his face aghast with horror. Uruha comes to the startling realization that Reita’s almost in tears; and his voice, when he speaks, is trembling, scared. That alone makes Uruha nervous, already.  
  
“Aoi’s in the hospital. He got in a car accident… He’s mildly injured but he’s still unconscious… They’re not sure if he’ll be totally fine, we’ll have to wait until he’s… awake.” Reita says the last word with such little conviction that the band immediately  _gets_  it.  
  
“He’s not in a coma, is… he?” Ruki’s asking tensely, quickly, and Kai’s quickly putting his face into his palms. The news comes as such a huge blow it leaves Uruha stunned, rooted silent in his place.  
  
“They don’t know, it’s only been a few hours,” Reita’s gasping. “But it might… I don’t know. They’re just monitoring him hourly and waiting to see…  _something_. They’re not sure how much damage is done to his head, and… they just…  _don’t_  know.”  
  
The dread pooling inside of Uruha starts to fill him up faster, until it consumes him whole and sends his entire heart spiraling.  
  
_Aoi, you’ve been acting like this since… I don’t know, forever? And it’s sickening._  
  
~  
  
It had been too hard, at first. It had been too hard, so Reita was the first one who entered Aoi’s hospital ward, with Kai and Ruki following after, while Uruha stumbled at the back, half unsure and half hesitant to see the man he’d definitely had no right to see at all. Aoi’s head is thickly bandaged, his wrists hooked up to tubes at the side, and he’s shallowly breathing, his figure so still on the bed it almost scares Uruha. Aoi looks so peaceful and serene, the most serene he’s seen Aoi in days, and Uruha’s almost sorry that the last memory he has of Aoi is the raven crying, before him, needing Uruha to say the words he wanted to hear and only getting painful ones in return. Uruha was never a good comforter; but then again, he never dealt well with emotions. It confounds him to think that Aoi could fall in love with him, when Uruha’s been nothing but horrible to him, and it pains Uruha to think that his very words could have been the last things repeated in Aoi’s head right before the accident.  
  
No one utters a single word in the room, but after a few minutes it becomes too much for Kai to take; and so the band leader leaves the room, face buried in his palms, utterly upset and convinced it was partially his fault, too. Reita heads out soon after to console him, leaving Ruki and Uruha in the room. Ruki briefly glances to Uruha, places a hand comfortingly on the blond’s shoulder, then eases his way out as well, the atmosphere in the room too thick and heavy for him.  
  
Uruha inches his way to the seat before the bed, then sits himself down and watches Aoi’s chest gently heave up and down in the silence. It takes him an hour to gather up the courage to reach for Aoi’s limp hand by the side, and even then, simply caressing past Aoi’s lean fingers made Uruha’s heart hurt.  
  
Uruha wonders if it’s just him, or maybe he’d never noticed before;  
  
but the way Aoi’s dark hair fanned out underneath his head against the pillow made him look so beautiful, like some goddess, like the side of Aoi that Uruha had always missed, and never noticed; when he was always so busy noticing everything else.  
  
~  
  
Band practices have now been suspended, so each of them take their time to visit Aoi, spending an hour each. Kai goes first, leaning over his seat and holding Aoi’s hand tightly in his, his face worriedly looking over to the raven’s sleeping face, mouth anxiously spewing forth words that he’s not even sure Aoi can hear. Uruha watches all of these by the window, standing outside Aoi’s ward, and though he shouldn’t feel this way, he wonders what Kai is telling Aoi, and he wonders if Aoi can hear him. Kai and Aoi had been remotely close, after all; it made sense for Kai to be so worried.  
  
Reita talks a lot to Aoi in his own time as well, though he smiles more than anything else, making jokes and laughing and whatnot; and Uruha thinks Reita just wants to make good use of his time and ensure Aoi sees that things are well, so as not to worry Aoi in his unconsciousness too much. It’s considerate of him, but it’s taxing on him as well – because each time Reita leaves the room, he’s always in tears.  
  
Ruki, like Uruha, isn’t always too good with words, but occasionally Uruha catches Ruki singing to Aoi softly, hoping his lyrics will lull and comfort Aoi in his sleep. Uruha thinks it’s the sweetest thing Ruki’s ever done.  
  
Uruha spends his time, silent, sitting by Aoi’s bedtime, holding the raven’s fingers in his own. Uruha isn’t too sure what to say, or if he should even say anything, and so he never does; and he’s not even sure if Aoi knows he’s there, but he hopes the raven can feel him there, through their fingers and his touches and Uruha’s longing gaze fixated upon him.  
  
~  
  
One day, Uruha comes up with the brilliant idea of lugging his guitar to the ward, and he’s playing one of Aoi’s compositions to him. Uruha still doesn’t know if Aoi can hear him, but he hopes his brain picks up on the sound waves Uruha’s sending to him, and eventually registers that someone’s waiting for him, out there.  
  
“Hey,” Uruha finally speaks, after the song’s over, and he’s placing the guitar aside, reaching for the raven’s fingers again.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
It’s only three words, but it’s the most courage Uruha has mustered after so long to finally get himself to say something to the raven.  
  
He sincerely hopes Aoi hears him.  
  
~  
  
Uruha wouldn’t have realized he had fallen asleep against the side of the bed until the fingers enclosed within his grasp twitch. The blond’s shifting sleepily, barely opening his eyes up straight, but then the fingers against him move once more – this time, harder, and Uruha almost jumps out of his seat, shocked. The blond runs a hand up his hair, trying to calm himself down, and when he comes face to face with a visibly confused raven haired, gazing right at him, lips puzzledly smiling, Uruha’s heart almost leaps out of his chest.  
  
“You’re…” Uruha takes in all of Aoi at once; from the way the raven’s sitting upright in his bed, to the messy way his hair falls down against his shoulders, to the pleasantly baffled look on his face. Uruha doesn’t know if he’s feeling embarrassed, shocked, elated, or just…  _everything_. “You’re…”  
  
“Why are you sleeping on my bed?” Aoi quips, softly giggling. He’s running through fingers down the tresses of his hair. “Are you my boyfriend?”  
  
Uruha’s eyes widen.  _Fuck_. Aoi doesn’t remember.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck_. Uruha doesn’t know whether to be thankful or not, but  _this_  wasn’t exactly the tearful reunion he’d been imagining Aoi and him to be having.  
  
“You… don’t know who I am?” Uruha stutters out, amazed. Aoi frowns, twirls at his hair and shakes his head.  
  
“I feel like I can remember, but every time I try to think it hurts,” Aoi’s moaning, and it sends Uruha trembling inadvertently. “But you’re really familiar to me, for some reason. And I could hear you playing the guitar for me… You’re waiting here, holding my hand in yours, and looking absolutely cute. Are you my boyfriend?”  
  
Uruha’s fumbling nervously, obviously unsure how to react. The last time their confrontation had just gone down plain  _messy_ , and Uruha wasn’t sure how  _not_  to go down that road again.  
  
“My… My name is Uruha,” Uruha splutters. “And I’m… um… your ba–”  
  
The door to the ward slams open and Kai’s quickly running in, a thrilled look on his face. Oh,  _right_. It was right about the time for Kai's turn to visit.  
  
“ _Aoi_!” He’s calling, face delightedly looking over to Aoi’s. The raven-haired stares bewilderedly back to him, but he’s smiling all the same.  
  
“Hi…?”  
  
“You’re awake!” Kai’s rushing over to his side, pushing away Uruha immediately, and enveloping the raven into a big, tight hug. Uruha sends Kai a look, but Aoi just laughs at the overly excited brunet.  
  
“Who are you? You’re really cute, too.” Aoi asks, and it sends Kai’s face falling instantly.  
  
“You… don't know who I am?” Kai’s looking to Uruha for an explanation. Uruha’s sighing in utter defeat.  
  
“No…” Aoi frowns quizzically, then turns perplexedly to the blond guitarist. “Aren’t you my boyfriend? Can you tell me who this man is?”  _Fuck_. Uruha avoids all eye contact with Kai immediately.  
  
Kai’s face is white. “Boyfriend? You? Uruha? Huh?  _What_?”  
  
“Who are you?” Aoi looks to him accusingly. Kai’s jaw has fallen right down to the ground.  
  
“Uruha, a word, please.” Kai beckons for the blond to follow him out of the room. The lead guitarist’s already rolling his eyes, knowing what his band leader was going to rant about.  
  
~  
  
“You know if he remembers, you’re going to be so fucked, right?”  
  
Uruha’s running his hands through his hair distressedly. “For the last time, it wasn’t  _me_. He just keeps going on and on that I’m his boyfriend, and I don’t know why, he says I’m familiar to him – ”  
  
“If you’re just going to play with his feelings all over again, I’d rather not.” Kai glares daggers to him. “I’m not risking Aoi’s feelings anymore. You don't know how  _many_  times Aoi’s come to me, crying because of you.”  
  
“Is everything my fault, again?” Uruha’s pissed once more. “I can go back in right now and tell him that I’m the one who landed him in this mess. I’m the one who broke his heart, twice and twice over, and I’m the one who’s caused him so much misery all these while. Or I can go back in there and be his  _boyfriend_.”  
  
“Do you even like him?!” Kai’s almost yelling.  
  
“I’ll never know if I don’t ever try,” Uruha snaps. And that’s what silences the drummer as Uruha slams open the door to the ward again and re-enters the room.  
  
~  
  
Uruha doesn't know what he’s doing.  
  
“How do you know I like chocolates?” Aoi’s licking the chocolate remains off his fingers messily, as the blond laughs and grabs for a tissue paper, slowly wiping the chocolate off the raven’s hands and face. Aoi winces as Uruha wipes at his nose a little, pinching it in the process. Uruha’s unsure why he finds the raven so cute at times like these.  
  
_I know because you give me your favorite set of chocolates every Valentine’s Day._  
  
“Because I’m your boyfriend, remember?” Uruha says simply, smiling weakly, and he’s removing the box of chocolates from Aoi’s lap, placing it onto the table by the bedside. Aoi makes a whining noise but Uruha’s hushing him, shaking his head to him. “The nurse said you could only eat so much a day. It’s not good for your health.”  
  
“But if I get fat, you’ll get fat with me too, right?” Aoi asks innocently. Uruha’s chuckling slightly.  
  
“But then I can’t take care of you anymore,” Uruha pouts, and Aoi’s immediately grinning, snuggling right up to Uruha’s side.  
  
“So, I met Reita and Ruki earlier today, and they told me we’re all members of a reaaaally popular band. Is that true?” Aoi jabs playfully into Uruha’s ribs. Uruha smiles faintly.  
  
“We sort of are,” Uruha tries to explain, heart twisting at the memory of Aoi from before. “You always were such a great rhythm guitarist.”  
  
_You’re despicable. So despicable._  
  
“Really?” Aoi’s head perks up excitedly at the mention. “Wow… I wonder if I can still play the guitar. Did we always practice together? Were we a great team?”  
  
Uruha doesn’t even falter when he lies. “Yeah, we were.”  
  
_You think it’s okay to ignore me, to treat me like I’m invisible, just because I’m different._  
  
“I wish I could remember things about us,” Aoi’s sulking, slipping his fingers into Uruha’s hand by the side. “Won’t you tell me how we first fell in love?”  
  
Uruha’s quiet with that thought. “I guess I just saw you one day and finally realized how beautiful you were.”  
  
_Just because you don’t like me…_  
  
Aoi gave a confused smile in reply. “Then how did I fall in love with you?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Uruha answers truthfully. “I still don’t know.”  
  
_…when all I’ve ever done is to love you._  
  
~  
  
They all know he’s lying, so when Aoi’s finally discharged from the hospital and he’s overly excited to be moving into Uruha’s apartment with him (the doctor was adamant on Aoi not being alone too much; he needed daily updates on Aoi’s amnesic condition to see if it would ever get better) the rest of the band is apprehensive to let them do it.  
  
“Are you sure he’ll be okay moving in with you?” Kai’s the first to voice his concern. Aoi’s already waiting in the car, while Uruha’s storing the luggage at the back of it.  
  
“We’re together. It’ll be fine.” Uruha shuts him down, but Reita’s the next to protest.  
  
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Uruha, but we all know how fragile Aoi really is.”  
  
“You think I’m lying,” Uruha turns to him, voice carrying a tone of betrayal. “You think I’m just playing with Aoi’s feelings.”  
  
“You barely gave a shit about him and now you want to act as his hero,” Ruki’s frowning as he speaks. Uruha sucks in a breath and slams the door of the car trunk close.  
  
“We’re leaving,” Uruha says, striding over to the front car door.  
  
“This isn’t going to end well, Uruha!” He can hear Kai calling after him, but the blond’s already starting up the car, ready to head home.  
  
“What’s going on?” Aoi asks, sitting next to him in the car, eyes looking inquisitively up to Uruha. The blond feigns a smile and leans in, kissing the raven softly on his forehead.  
  
“Kai’s just worried,” Uruha convinces, and Aoi just happily snuggles back into his car seat. “I’ll bring you home and take care of you, okay?”  
  
“Okay,” Aoi replies, his face still beaming from Uruha’s kiss.  
  
~  
  
It’s been ages since Uruha’s been intimate with anyone, really, so when Aoi hangs around him in the house and he gives surprise hugs to Uruha from the back or mewls for a kiss or begs to be cuddled, it all comes new to Uruha. Uruha’s almost confused as to how he should act, because Uruha never was used to acting romantically like these, but when Aoi’s face lights up after every kiss or hug or when Uruha just does something sweet for him, really, Uruha finds it all worth it. And suddenly Uruha’s finding it in himself to vow to protect Aoi like this, forever, and make sure Aoi’s always happy like this. Because he’s still plagued by memories of Aoi, devastated and crying because of him, and he never wants Aoi to go back to that, ever.  
  
He’d never realized how beautiful Aoi looks like when he’s happy, and now he doesn’t ever want to let go of it.  
  
“I get random bursts of images every night,” Aoi confesses to him, one day, when they’re cuddling against the sofa and Uruha’s basking in the warmth of Aoi’s body next to him. The blond’s momentarily caught off guard by Aoi’s words, and they send his heart dashing wildly in fright.  
  
“What images, sweetheart?” Uruha asks softly, lips pressing against the raven’s hair. Aoi’s sighing as he replies.  
  
“I don’t know. Random images of playing on stage, then getting off stage, sometimes I see fans, our band managers… nights of drinking and celebrating, stuff like that.”  
  
Uruha’s hesitant to ask the next question. “Do you see me?”  
  
“Briefly,” Aoi says. He shifts uncomfortably in Uruha’s embrace. “Never enough. It just hurts the most, especially when it comes to you.” Aoi’s fingers caress down the side of Uruha’s lean arms. “Maybe it’s because you’re the most important person of my life.”  
  
Uruha smiles weakly at that. “How does it hurt?”  
  
Aoi shrugs. “It just does. Like bursts of happiness, and then a ton of heartache. It always makes me sad, but I never understand why.” He’s looking up to Uruha with a sudden realization. “Do you?”  
  
Uruha tightens his smile. “Well, we did fight… a lot.”  _Most of them ending up with you crying and_   _me hissing in anger._ Uruha never did understand Aoi’s cause for tantrum most of the time; but he thinks he understands, now. He understands Aoi more than ever before.  
  
“Oh.” Aoi buries his head deeper unto the blond. “I guess that’s maybe it. What did we fight about?”  
  
“Stupid, petty fights.” Uruha tries to brush the subject off quickly. “It’s nothing, really. Not worth bringing the bad memories back about.”  
  
“I see,” Aoi says, wrapping his arms tighter around Uruha. “I’m sorry we ever fought, Uruha.”  
  
Uruha’s breathes sharply. “I’m sorry, too.”  
  
~  
  
Uruha begins to take Aoi out on dates.  _I can’t remember anything_ , Aoi had said to him one day, clearly distressed.  _I want to make new memories with you, Uruha._ The blond feels obliged to make Aoi happy now, and so bringing him out on dates it was. The first thing they do – or Aoi wants to do – is to go to an amusement park, because Aoi says he can’t remember if they ever went before. Uruha doesn’t have the heart to tell him  _no_.  
  
But then after riding a few exciting rollercoaster rides, Aoi spots two embarrassing couple shirts being sold at a stall at the amusement park and Uruha has to swallow his pride down to allow Aoi to get it for the both of them.  
  
“But this is for  _teenagers_ ,” Uruha groans, fingering the pink colored t-shirt that had the words “I’m His”, with an accompanying shirt Aoi’s holding saying “He’s Mine”. Aoi’s cackling maniacally as he makes the purchase, then pulls Uruha into a nearby washroom to change into the new shirts they just bought. It’s with a lot of adoration for the raven that Uruha painstakingly changes out of his normal looking shirt and changes into the couple shirt Aoi wants him to wear.  
  
“You look so cute,” Aoi cooes, hugging his boyfriend upon first sight of him in the shirt. Uruha’s cheeks flame in embarrassment. “Let’s take couple selfies!” Oh,  _god_. Uruha was never going to live this down.  
  
After taking a million and one photos with Aoi on Uruha’s own personal cellphone, Uruha barely has time to slot his phone back into his jeans pocket before Aoi starts pulling at his hand again, tugging him forward to a cotton candy stall.  
  
“Let’s get two!” Aoi chirps, looking expectantly to Uruha. Uruha gives up, giving in to Aoi’s adoringly cute face, and gets two sticks of pink cotton candy for the raven, who happily munches down on them in a sticky mess.  
  
“You’re horrible,” Uruha teases, but then Aoi tips his toes up and silences the blond with a surprise kiss, and Uruha truly tastes how sweet the cotton candy is. Aoi tastes just like sugar, and it’s with an irresistible desire that Uruha melts right underneath the raven’s tongue. Hands cupping the side of Aoi’s cheek to pull him in closer, Uruha’s softly deepening the kiss, mouth begging subtlely for more of Aoi’s taste.  
  
But then Aoi pulls away too soon and licks his lips connivingly to the blond, and Uruha’s pouting in want.  
  
“Who’s the little kid now, huh?!” Aoi points out, and it makes Uruha laugh, because Aoi  _still_  looks so childish holding two fluffy sticks of pink cotton candy, wearing a horridly pink couple tee.  
  
~  
  
Aoi begins to have nightmares.  
  
He breaks out in a sweat in the middle of the night, screaming for Uruha, or crying out Uruha’s name and waking the blond right up from his sleep. He’ll roll over right into Uruha’s arms, reduced to a sobbing mess, and Uruha will stroke him and comfort him and tell him that it’ll all be okay, that Uruha’s just right here.  
  
“It comes in flashes,” Aoi says, his tired eyes still half-lidded. “I can remember Reita making a joke, and everyone laughing at it. Then the next flash will be me, driving a car, then losing control, and everything going black. Then the next flash I’ll see you – angry at me – and I’ll be crying, and that’s when I wake up. And then the next night, everything repeats again.”  
  
Uruha has to hold Aoi’s head close to him, protectively, almost as if he’s afraid Aoi’s memories will take him away once more.  
  
“They’re not important anymore,” Uruha tries to placate, but Aoi shakes his head.  
  
“I  _need_  to remember,” Aoi sobs. “Otherwise I’ll never fill this missing hole in my heart.”  
  
_But then I’ll have a missing one in mine if you remember_ , Uruha thinks, shushing the smaller one softly.  
  
~  
  
“I can’t do this anymore,” Uruha says, striding past the door, into the middle of the band room. The rest of the band spends more of their time here, now, trying to write and fix songs with Uruha and Aoi’s absence. They’ll wait for Aoi’s recovery, but in the meantime they can’t stand to be so helpless, so they’ve been composing songs in their free time, getting ready for their next album.  
  
“Do what?” Kai asks coldly, halting in the middle of his drumming, and Uruha sends him an exasperated look. Reita and Ruki stop meddling with the instruments as well and turn puzzledly to the blond.  
  
“Look, I know it’s my fault that I was lying to him, but – ” Uruha’s face is pained. “Things are different now. Aoi… and me… We…”  
  
It’s funny how it’s even harder to admit it, now.  
  
“ _What_?” Kai snaps.  
  
“We love each other,” Uruha answers quietly. “And he’s getting flashbacks from the past. I feel like he’ll remember, eventually.”  
  
“So, you’re scared he’ll remember you as an asshole?” Ruki says. Reita sighs in the background.  
  
“Just tell him, Uru,” Reita says softly. “It doesn’t hurt to be honest.”  
  
“But then what happens after that?” Uruha asks, his voice exhausted. “Are things going to change?”  
  
“Before, he had been waiting this whole time for things to change,” Kai turns icily away.  
  
“Maybe it’s time you were the one on the receiving end of things.”  
  
~  
  
Uruha knew Aoi would remember, soon. He just didn’t expect it to come so soon.  
  
Aoi wakes up in the middle of the night, after, crying and screaming. Except this time it’s worse, and when Uruha tries to get to him, Aoi’s trying to claw himself out of Uruha’s grasp, his reality absolutely shattered.  
  
“I remember,” Aoi’s whispering, tears heavily streaking down his white-washed face. “I remember everything, Uru.”  
  
“It doesn’t change things,” Uruha immediately says, but Aoi’s shaking his head, saying ‘ _it does, it does’_. “I still love you.”  
  
“You’re despicable,” Aoi chokes out. “And all you care about is yourself. You couldn’t even – think to tell me the tru-” But Uruha’s silencing him by pulling him into a kiss, and it causes Aoi’s tears to run further, his hands weakly trying to get Uruha to let him go. He’s thrashing mildly in Uruha’s grasp, but then Uruha’s threading his fingers up Aoi’s hair gently and it puts Aoi at ease instantly. Aoi flutters his eyes back shut and eases slowly into the kiss, succumbing to Uruha’s toxic lips and the faint alluring smell of Uruha’s familiar cologne. It all hits Aoi like a tidal wave and drowns him under further, into the love he’d been wanting to get away from all these while.  
  
When Uruha finally pulls his lips away and is certain Aoi won’t go running again, the raven’s burying his head against the blond, voice coming out tired.  
  
“I spent so much time wondering if I ever was good enough for you,” Aoi’s clutching at Uruha’s chest, recalling all the painful memories and heartfelt emotions. “And all your actions ever did was to tell me  _yes_ , I wasn’t good enough for you. And now you lie to me and you kiss me and you still make me love you. I don’t understand.”  
  
Uruha’s voice is conflicted when he speaks. “I’m sorry, baby,” he’s gripping Aoi’s hair close to him, in a fistful, his face regretful, thoughtful. “I didn’t – I’m not good in these kind of things, but then you got in that accident and you worried me and I never want to see you like that again – ”  
  
“So you’re with me because you  _pity_  me,” Aoi spits out, and his words are like venom, crushing Uruha’s very heart.  
  
“That’s not true,” Uruha refutes, angry. “That’s not true at all. I’m with you because I care for you and I want to take care of you.”  
  
“That’s surprisingly convenient, given you could have almost been responsible for my  _death_.” Aoi snaps, and he’s trying to get away from Uruha’s arms, but the blond won’t let him. “Stop pretending you love me!”  
  
“But I never knew I wanted to until I could,” Uruha’s saying quietly, heartbroken, and his words linger in the silence, and it makes Aoi want to shrivel up and die.  
  
“The worst thing about this is that I could believe you,” the raven murmurs.  
  
He ends up falling asleep in Uruha’s arms.  
  
~  
  
Uruha wakes up to messy sheets of no one by his side the next morning, and it’s what sends him into a flurry of panic. But then he rushes out of the room, into the living room, and hears distinctly the sound of the kettle boiling.  
  
Walking apprehensively into the kitchen, Uruha comes into view with his raven-haired lover, dressed nicely in an apron, whipping up breakfast.  
  
“Hey,” Aoi’s smiling softly, turning to look up to his blond lover.  
  
Uruha’s too relieved for words. “Hey,” he says, face awkwardly breaking into a smile, beyond glad Aoi decided to stay.  
  
“Want to go visit the rest of the band later?” Aoi asks, turning back around to face the stove. Uruha takes this opportunity to move in and embrace him tightly from behind, hands moving Aoi’s hair to the side, lips planting gently to the side of the raven’s neck.  
  
“Later,” Uruha promises, kissing Aoi softly into oblivion.


End file.
